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Hey Reader,

I love checking my email. (I know how that sounds. I stand by it.) But hearing from you is my favorite part.

This week Nathaniel sent me a note that said, "A lot of communication advice out there focuses on handling what's already broken. You seem to be interested in helping us with the moment tension first appears, before the conversation goes off the rails, so we can change what happens next."

Nathaniel, you're right. The first few seconds of a difficult conversation determine where the whole conversation goes. Most people rush through and spend the next few days (sometimes years) cleaning up what came after. I teach how to slow down and stay in control in those moments.

That is what this week is all about. Let's jump in.

#1. From My Inbox: “I have been tasked with helping an elderly family member deep clean her home. She declines every suggestion I make. I want to help her without sounding pushy. What can I say to make progress on the task, while also making sure she feels heard?” Charlene

You’re hitting a wall because every “suggestion” sounds like judgment to her. Switch from suggestions to choices. Choices feel like respect. “Would you rather start with the kitchen or the living room?” or “Which three things would you like to keep from this box?” Give her ownership of the decisions while you own the work.

#2. A Communication Tip: Start Your Sentence With “I”

When tension shows up, the word "you" reads like an accusation. "You need to." "You always." "You never." Each one puts the other person on defense, and a person on defense quits listening.

Start your sentence with "I" instead. "I" tells them what you want without telling them what they did wrong. You keep the message and lose the blame.

Take Charlene. "You need to get rid of some things" starts a fight. "I'd like to help make your home feel easy and comfortable" starts a conversation.

#3. Something I’m Currently Loving: "Doc" our Matic Vacuum ​

Our robot vacuum has a name. We call him Doc, and he earned his keep this month with a new feature called Matic Cues. I point at a mess, and Doc cleans it up. That is the entire process. I point.

You can talk to him, too. My kids can tell Doc what to do out loud, and he does it. Imagine that. Everything runs on pointing and talking, so a kid can use him, an elderly grandparent can use him, and nobody has to dig through an app.

Here is my favorite part. He understands more than 70 spoken languages. I teach communication for a living, so a vacuum that listens this well has my respect. :)

Glad you're here Reader,

J

P.S. Last time I wrote about our Matic vacuum Doc, many of you emailed us and told us the name of your house robots. We loved it.