Hey [FIRST NAME GOES HERE],

Someone keeps putting words in your mouth.

But you don’t know what to do.

Here’s exactly how to respond…

1: “I get to decide that.”

When someone tries to assume your words or intent with phrases like, “You don’t even care. This doesn’t matter to you,” don’t get defensive.

Instead, calmly assert yourself and say, “I get to decide that.” What you’re saying is the only person who gets to decide how I feel is me.

2: Use their words against them.

Use their words against them to clarify your stance. If they say, “You don’t care about this,” respond with, “What I actually care about is…”

When you use their word to support your position, it’s much more effective.

3: Avoid the vortex.

Avoid getting sucked into accusatory traps like, “So what you’re saying is that I’m a terrible person.”

There’s no winning in that situation. You just have to remain clear and detached.

Instead say, “You will know what I’ve said when I’ve said it.” This keeps the conversation grounded in facts, not assumptions.

Use these 3 strategies to keep your cool and stay in control of what you really mean.

J

P.S. Taking control of how you are represented in a conversation is a powerful skill. These 3 strategies will help you become a more confident communicator.

P.P.S. Are you in Southern California? 👋 Join me at Norma Hertzog Community Center in Orange County on Thursday, August 15th at 6:30 pm PST for a keynote and Q&A with me. I'll be speaking in collaboration with and support for the Orange County Library.

This event is completely free and open to the public. I’d love to meet you and say hello in person. Click here to get all the details.