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Hey Reader,

Last week, someone emailed me because a coworker talked down to her in front of the entire team. She didn't know what to say in the moment, so she just froze. And now she keeps replaying it, thinking of what she should've said. I told her the same thing I'm going to tell you.

Here's exactly what to do when someone talks down to you:

#1. Flip the dynamic

When someone is talking down to you, instead of staying in this inferior position, say that whatever they just told you is beneath you or below you.

It's as easy as saying: "The way you're treating me right now is beneath me."

When you do that, you flip that power dynamic. You stay in control while they have no choice but to change their behavior for the conversation to continue.

#2. Maintain your position

You can do that by using the words allow and give. For example: "I will allow you to try that again" or "I'm giving you the opportunity to say that to me differently." Those are words of authority and it sends the message that I am in complete control of how I will be treated.

#3. Reset the terms

This is where clarity replaces conflict. Use the phrase I'm willing. It sounds like:

"I'm willing to engage in this conversation if you speak to me respectfully."
"I'm willing to talk with you if we're on the same page."

You're laying out the instructions of how this conversation can move forward, without threatening, lecturing, or defending yourself.

And that's how to handle somebody who is talking down to you.

So try that!

J

P.S. If you want to work through scenarios like this one, check out The Next Conversation Workbook. It's designed to help you practice before the moment hits. Grab your copy here.