what to say when they blame you



Hey Reader,

Ever had someone blame you for their bad behavior?

“I wouldn’t have yelled if you hadn’t upset me.”
“You triggered me. What did you expect?”

That’s not accountability.

It’s bait.

And if you’re not ready, it’s easy to take it.

Here are 3 phrases to shut it down without losing your cool:

#1. Respond with, “I didn’t yell at myself.”

Or, “I didn’t insult myself.” “I didn’t gaslight myself.”

This mirrors the moment back to them and makes it crystal clear:

You are not the one who crossed the line.

#2. “I’m willing to discuss your feelings, not dismiss your behavior.”

You’re drawing a boundary.

You can talk through what happened without excusing the way they handled it.

#3. “I can’t own feelings that aren’t mine.”

It’s a calm, clear way to say: I won’t carry the weight of your reaction.

Their reaction is theirs to manage. Not yours to absorb.

Next time someone tries to shift the blame, use these 3 phrases to hold your ground.

You got this.

J

P.S. Want help with your specific situation? That's what JeffersonAI is for.

If you haven't tried it yet, click here to get 5 free texts and 3 minutes of call time.


The Next Conversation

Order My Book →

The School of Communication

Enroll Now →

The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

Listen Now →


*Sponsorship Transparency: I only recommend products we use and trust. If I wouldn’t put it in my own home, I won’t put it in yours. Simple as that.

Get daily practice: Join The School of Communication here.

Need help in a hurry? Chat with JeffersonAI.

Read all of my past emails here.

Inbox overloaded? Set your email frequency here.

No longer want to hear from me? Unsubscribe here.

156 S. Main Street Ste 300 #769, Lumberton, TX 77657

Jefferson Fisher

Simple, practical communication advice for your next conversation.

Read more from Jefferson Fisher

Hey Reader, Thank you for being with me this year and for trusting me in moments that mattered. This year my book went places I never imagined and into conversations I'll never get to see. You grew with me as I had my first book launch, visited morning shows, met so many wonderful faces at tour signings and speaking and podcasts, and heard stories of hope I'll never forget. And through my highs and lows, you're still here. I believe a better world begins with a better conversation. Thank you...

Hey Reader, Someone makes a comment in front of other people to put you down. Maybe it’s subtle…or not. Either way, it lands. Most people jump to defend themselves. But that only gives the comment more power. You don’t have to take the bait. Here’s a better way to handle it—calm and confident. #1. Give it five seconds of silence. Do absolutely nothing. No comeback. No explaining. Let their comment fall all the way to the ground. That silence shows you’re not playing their game. #2. Turn to...

Thanks to Momentous for bringing this to your inbox. Hey Reader, When you hear the word “power”, what’s the first thing you think? Most people don’t think about personal growth. They think manipulation, ego, or someone pulling strings behind the scenes. But what if power isn’t good or bad? In this week’s episode, I sat down with Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power, to talk about power as something very different: a neutral tool that starts with self-control, not domination. Most...