how to outsmart a gaslighter



My newest podcast episode called “How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence” is out! Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast platform.


Hey Reader,

Arguing with a gaslighter is like playing a game where the rules constantly change.

Their tactics are designed to make you doubt your own memories and emotions.

So, here’s how to stay in control when arguing with a gaslighter:

1: Trust your gut.

Don’t waste your energy trying to prove your version of events because gaslighters will always twist the narrative.

Instead of focusing on filling every hole that they dig, trust your gut and put down the shovel.

2: Use the phrase, “We remember things differently.”

When they try to push back or twist the truth, just repeat it. Say, “We remember things differently,” or “That wasn’t my experience.”

Get comfortable with those phrases and use them as many times as you need.

3: Understand that gaslighters thrive on the past.

They use the past to manipulate the present. That’s why it’s a losing game to keep rehashing old events.

To shift away from it, use this phrase: “I’m not interested in debating the past. My only interest is agreeing on the future.”

Recognizing their tactics is the first step towards taking back control.

J

P.S. What topic should I write about next?

Read all of my past emails here.

Not getting the info you want? Update your preferences. No longer want to hear from me? Unsubscribe here.

156 S. Main Street Ste 300 #769, Lumberton, TX 77657

Jefferson Fisher

Simple, practical communication advice for your next conversation.

Read more from Jefferson Fisher

Same tips. Same me. Just adding something new :) If my School of Communication isn’t for you, no worries. My weekly tips aren’t going anywhere. Click here if you’d prefer not to get updates about the School of Communication. Hey Reader, Three years ago, I started sharing communication tips from my car. Hearing how they helped people all over the world was so encouraging. So I kept sharing them. But I noticed something… Those tips? They were only helpful if you remembered them in the moment....

Same tips. Same me. Just adding something new :) If my School of Communication isn’t for you, no worries. My weekly tips aren’t going anywhere. Click here if you’d prefer not to get these updates about the School of Communication. Hey Reader, Every conversation is a choice. The choice to connect or pull away. To speak up or stay silent. To set a boundary or let one slip. And those choices? They shape everything. Your relationships, your career, and your confidence. But here’s the thing: No...

Hey Reader, Ever had someone say something out of line and then brush it off with, “I was just joking”? It’s an easy way to dodge accountability. But you don’t have to let it slide. Here’s 3 ways to respond: #1: My personal favorite: “Then be funnier.” If they claim it was a joke, tell them, “Then be funnier.” You’re making it clear that what they said wasn’t funny. And if they’re aiming for humor, they missed the mark. #2: “I’m surprised by that.” This is a complete power move. When you say,...